So the Bald eagle just got taken off off the threatened species list. Am I crazy or is now the perfect time to take advantage of the eagle’s new status?!

According to CNN:

Paris Hilton told CNN’s Larry King on Wednesday that she has never used drugs, isn’t a big drinker. Paris Hilton said she has emerged from jail determined to eliminate bad friends from her life.

No drugs? Not a big drinker? Eliminate bad friends? Un-Oh, she can only mean LINDSEY LOHAN your not her friend anymore!!!

Let’s Review…

Paris: I don’t do drugs
Lohan: Mmm… Cocaine! Me likey!

Paris: I don’t drink lot
Lohan: Mmm… Breakfast wine! Me likey!

Talk about no rules… Coco, some pot, a sundae, and a drink… I must be crazy, that’s no where near a balanced meal!!

Did anyone else read this?

A man who lost his ball in a golf course pond nearly lost a limb when a nearly 11-foot alligator latched on to his arm and pulled him in the water…the one-eyed alligator, which measured 10 feet, 11 inches.

Well I saw the thing comin’ out of the sky.
It had one long horn, one big eye.
I commenced to shakin’ and I said,”Ooh-eee”
It looks like a purple people eater to me.
It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater…
One-eyed, one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater…
A one-eyed one-horned, flyin’ purple people eater…
Sure looks strange to me.

Am I crazy or is the Peach Pit a lousy name for a diner…  Yes, I know all the cool kids from 90210 used to hang out there… but why would you name your restaurant after an inedible part of a fruit?  You don’t hear steak houses calling themselves Udder Delight…  um, wait, Udder Delight does sound like a good name for a restaurant… Ok, bad example… You don’t hear steak house calling themselves The Tasty Muzzel… do you?

There is a hole in my spaceship, dear NASA, dear NASA.
There is a hole in my spaceship, dear NASA, dear NASA.

Then fix it dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.
Then fix it dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.

With what shall I fix it, dear NASA, dear NASA?
With what shall I fix it, dear NASA, dear NASA?

With woven aluminia, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.
With woven aluminia, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.

The woven aluminia is too big, dear NASA, dear NASA?
The woven aluminia is too big, dear NASA, dear NASA?

Then cut it, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.
Then cut it, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.

With what shall I cut it, dear NASA, dear NASA?
With what shall I cut it, dear NASA, dear NASA?

With diamond coated scissors, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut?
With diamond coated scissors, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut?

How shall I get diamond coated scissors, dear NASA, dear NASA?
How shall I get diamond coated scissors, dear NASA, dear NASA?

By landing, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.
By landing, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.

How do I land, dear NASA, dear NASA?
How do I land, dear NASA, dear NASA?

With a spaceship, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.
With a spaceship, dear astronaut, dear astronaut, dear astronaut.

There is a hole in my spaceship dear NASA, dear NASA.
There is a hole in my spaceship dear NASA, dear NASA.

Hey, Nora would you stop giving people your old number when you are pulling your scams? They end up calling me cause I now have your old number. Of course they end up not understanding why they can’t talk to you, or how this can’t possible be a wrong number and how I’m lying to cover for you.

Am I crazy or is this more typical of the type of status report you get from Houston?

Paris Hilton was doing well after spending her first night of her probation sentence in solitary confinement at a Los Angeles County jail, her lawyer said Monday.